Life is so fragile

When i was young, i always think i was different, different as in i'm stronger than normal kids, just like superman or some action hero in cartoons. I always have that kind of mentality that i'm just like superman, until i fell sick. Then i realise i'm just like any other normal kids. Once a while, i will have that kind of feeling till i got sick again.

Although i no longer think that i'm superman, i still think that i'm quite healthy. But this mindset is starting to change. Because when i was young, i can run and play right after i recover from sickness, but right now i no longer have that same level of drive / energy. And i find that i take longer than last time before i can fully recover. Therefore i realise that 1) i getting old, 2) i'm not as healthy

Reason being very simple, i dont excerise that regulary anymore. I use to excerise everyday because i was a swimmer / athlete. Nowadys due to work commitment, and lazy of course, cant really find time to excercise. To be frank, i have been quite paranoid about my health status recently.

Recently, saw on newspaper, that a young triathelete collapse right after a SEA GAMES trial and within hours he pass away. Prior to that he got no known heart problem or whatever. Sports circle is not big, so basically there are friends that i know know him. Then today, my student's friend pass away as well, apparently he was diagnose with brain tumor all of a sudden, and he is only 18 years old!

Its really kind of scary that people so young can just pass away, one day they live life as per normal, then next day they are gone. Its very scary, and it make me ponder that life is really very fragile, you can be very healthy now, but u never know what would happen next. I have heard too many times, too many stories that people all of a sudden are diagnose of certain illness and not longer after pass away.

There are times when i got really sick, then paranoid begin to sink in, i begin to worry will i leave the world if i sleep. Yes, its rather negative, but that the state of mind i'm in sometimes. I was thinking to myself, i still have a lot of unfinish stuff to do, its a pity if i just leave like that, and to think that i will leave all the people close to my heart, its very heart wrenching.

Recently, i find that i can just faint on the spot, dont know why, then sometimes before i sleep, i find that my body feel very different. I dont know whether is it because i am very exhausted because of work, stress or whether do i really have health problem. I just went doc this morning, because i was feeling unwell and go take MC and at the same time, i went to do a blood test for Liver test. There's a few times, where my hand become very red, it was really very red, and dearie's dad say that it might be due to liver problem. Then he begin to tell story. Of cos, dearie begin worried and ask me to go for blood test. Me too of cos, already being paraniod become very worried too. I hope the result will be fine. I hope i'm still healthy. I begin to treasure my state of health as i grow older. I begin to understand why people prefer to die rather than to live life very sickly. The thought of it, really make it feel very painful.

Right now, i always thank god that i can wake up from my bed the next morning. I know i sounded abit extreme, but things can just happen like this, like what was reported on the newspaper, so never take things for granted.

Life is short, and we just live once. Nobody know where we came from and nobody knows where we will go after death. Yes, there are story about ghost, but there are no real proof as of yet. Nonetheless as i grow older, i treasure each and every sec of my life, and like i say, i thank god for able to wake up healthy from my bed the next morning.

I just hope everything would be fine for my blood test. =)